Saturday, 23 July 2016

The Final Page for Life out of the Camera... for now

Sup guys, Cutiejea here
Today... this shall mark the final page for Life out of the camera, the blog series where I just talk about how I'm feeling in life and stuff. Why? I think it's time to tackle a new theme for my blogging and I think that my YouTube vlogs can continue on the legacy of my talking about my life.
So, what's the new project? You may ask.
Since I'm 18 and met Sheppard, FAS, Mychonny, Evan Edinger and is about to meet Dan and Phil in August, not to mention got noticed by D&P and Slyfoxhound in twitter + tumblr and a bunch of other stuff involving my fave internet stars and musicians, I want to create a new blog series journaling all my fandom experiences, from Club Penguin in 2007 to Phandom + TV Shows of today, I will recap everything that I can remember and create a monthly blog series called 'Confessions of a Fan Girl' which is basically me confessing everything fandom related.
Like what? You ask.
So far, I will write about:
  • How I became a fan girl
  • What's my general description of a fan girl
  • The Unwritten Laws of the phandom
  • How to let your senpai notice you
And many others.
And what's going to be interesting about this series is that I will try to write it in an academic paper level. That's right, I  will write (or at least try to) these blog post as if I'm writing something for my university. It's going to be somewhat professional with journal articles that I can get a grab on in my uni's online library + e-resources. So due to this, these post will be long, like 1000+ words long.
So what will happen to life out of the camera?
It will stop for now but it's memory will CARRY ON!!! (Sorry... got MCR stuck in my head). So for now, this is goodbye for my 1 year old baby and time to try writing professionally (or at least a bit professionally).
My name is Cutiejea and this has been the final post for now about my Life out of the Camera.

Sunday, 3 July 2016

I want to give up... but I can’t because it’s mandatory.

NOTE: Not naming the company or anything else due to legal reason (and i don't want to be hunted down). And if you are going to take this post down, take down Evan Edinger's Vlog about his failed job interviews first then go talk to me.

Sup guys, Cutiejea here

I'm now at an all time low now (Not referencing the band... I'm just feeling upset). Why you may ask. I just now realised that my dreams and goals are probably never ever gonna come true and if it did... well, I may have to leave the country or something. IDK... I'm just feeling a bit negative.

You see, last month, I posted how time was moving really fast for me since I have internship interview and I'm about to reach second semester of university and stuff like that but life decided to press the breaks for me and I didn't get the internship... or even get interviewed for that matter.

Yes, the company that wanted to interview me... they canceled 1 HOUR before the interview. Why? Because at 1:25, the person saw me with my dad and thought 'oh she doesn't look independent, let's cancel on her!' (BTW, my interview starts at 3pm). So at 2pm when I'm at KFC with my dad and brother, I got a text and call saying that they found someone already. My dad thought it was not fair that he decided to text the company.

That's when we discovered that it was because he came with me when WE WERE FINDING OUT WHERE IT WAS!!! It's not like my dad will enter with me, we we're just finding out where it was.

From that point, I felt too upset to do things. I was at my part-time job and I got extra shifts due to people quitting and one is a co-worker who is gonna have a part time job in a finance company (which accommodates to her course). I have a uni classmate who also got a part time job. And my cousin got an internship in a hospital since it's part of his course.

I guess everyone is getting long term paid/beneficial experiences while for me, I'm stuck doing volunteer work which I don't mind doing but I can't just be doing volunteer work forever.

What’s worse is that Internships are mandatory in my university so I fear I can’t graduate due to this.

If I compare my life with my cousins and the people around me who are at the same age as me, it shows that I'm way left behind... like way back. My channel isn't getting anywhere, no one wants to accept me (and I applied to nearly 30 jobs) and by this point, I feel like giving up.

I don't want to give up thou since I love doing what I do but I'm 18, I need to get paid or at least have long-term experience based on my skills, not picking up small scraps of jobs that I can grab.

I was warned that there is not many position in the industry that I want to enter and I convinced myself that I can still do it. That's why I made my channel, to prove my worth. I made videos using 2 giant pieces of cloth bought from Lincraft. I own a DLSR camera since I know it's one step closer to good quality content but at the same time, I can't afford the programs they expect me to use. I can't afford AVID, I have absolutely no idea how to use After Effects and Wordpress is still a giant issue for me. I want to learn these things but I can't access the free membership in

So I'm still lost.

I feel that my passions should just be forgotten and that I should let them go. I mean, they want other people but me, besides the fact that I create amazing things out of my ipad, made a hashtag trend of a short time and stuff like that.

I just wish there is just someone out there who saw my stuff and is willing to lend me a hand or a job or a recommendation or something. But until then, I just have to keep applying to these jobs who wants someone else for the role.

And if I do get the interview, I have to get used to wearing a stupid skirt and boots just too look appealing, only to get rejected for stupid reasons.

My name is Cutiejea and this has been my Life out of the Camera.

Monday, 27 June 2016

Moving too Fast

Sup lovely people, Cutiejea here!

This month, lots of things are happening... like a lot. AND IT'S HAPPENING TOO FAST!!!

For starters, TATINOF is happening in Australia this August and as admin for Phandom Aus/NZ on Twitter and Tumblr, we got a lot of questions and people literally expect us to answer all the questions. We managed to give the best advice thou.

Also... we made #RowPals a trend for a short time

Another is that I'm about to enter second semester of University so god knows what's gonna happen to me and my future. I saw one of my subjects and I got near credit for it! Which is really cool in my book!

Third is that I got an internship interview and I got accepted to do volunteer cinematographer work for Smash (the Anime convention). And I'm soo excited since I'm about to get some experience... except it's for free (BUT IM GETTING PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE!!!)

So many things are so many going on with my life that it's all happening too fast.

This is really cool but also really scary.

The reason for that is the fact that I'm scared that I may not be ready for all this change. I'm just a kid (well, technically 18 years old so an adult) but I'm going to face my future and adulthood in a really fast pace that it scares me that I may screw up, that I'm doing too many things. I just want things to slow down.

This was me when I got my VIP ticket and I'm still surprised I managed to get one:

People both offline and online think I have potential and that I'm very reliable and stuff and I'm cool with that. People thank me for working late hours and working hard just to get stuff done and I'm happy to do that. But the main question is... when was the last time I had a break?

One of my greatest wishes besides meeting my heroes and passing uni and hopefully moving out (sorry family), is to be able to have a break from everything for at least a week, which never happened. Just one week of doing whatever I want. No Phandom Aus/NZ, no work, no school, no parents nagging... just me and my laptop with internet where I can catch up on whatever I want.

Unfortunately, that's too much to ask and it will never happen. Well, it was close from happening if I was permitted to go to Vidcon 2016. The plan was go to USA for a week for Vidcon and other stuff like sightseeing and stuff. No parents, no chaos, just me and what I have for a 1 week break of life itself.

But I guess that's too much to wish for I guess which I quite understand... since once again, I'm just a kid.

But yeah, I still yearn for that 1 week break from life.

My name is Cutiejea and this has been my Life Out of the Camera

PS: D-3 Section 4!!! (and i accidentally got 2 gold tickets so that means my mum is coming with me!)

Monday, 16 May 2016

Using 'Dan and Phil' for views'

Sup guys, Cutiejea here!

First, I might be able to do 2 blog post per month... who knows. Just to let you know.

Ok for this post, I may get love or I may get hate. Either way, I need to get this out there. I tried to make a video about this but it always end up me not making sense whatsoever so I've decided to let it go but after jumping in to YouTube again and seeing another kind of video that I will be mentioning here in this post, I need to speak my mind out.

Also for this post, I will not mention names and show any videos because it will lead to an online war where I don't want to get deep in to.

So lets get started.

Today's blog post is about how YouTubers are using Dan and Phil or targeting fan groups for views.

Listen, I'm fine with whatever video you want to make since YouTube is such a creative space. You can bring up YouTubers as well to show that you've been in the loop, like you know what this space is and all that but there must be some line between 'being original' and 'using fan groups'.

Lets start with you guys accusing me of using 'dan and phil' in my channel. Listen, I make original content as well. To be honest, I make more original content than my fandom content. It's ratio is literally near a coin toss and I try to pursue more on my original content. And also, I've been in the phandom since 2014, I co-run @PhandomAus on Twitter and even written fan fiction (one of them got shortlisted for a university level creative writing contest). So if I make D&P videos, it doesn't matter since I have some involvement with the group.

My issue is people who are like 20 - 30+ people who are making videos about them. The weird part is that they look like they have no idea who Dan and Phil or any other youtubers are but know that if they make D&P content, they can attract an audience.

I'm not accusing youtubers like 'Crank that Frank' that he's part of this group, no... he's fine, there are others and I will not name them.

Listen, I'm not saying that you can't make these kinds of videos, it's your channel, do whatever you want. However, I make D&P videos when necessary, I don't have the ability to make them all the time. Even if I do, I make a decent amount of views. And I'm part of the Phandom.

The other group thou, they have no idea who they are, they just have to do a single Google search to find out who they are, read @UpdatedPhan on twitter just to have accurate constant updates about them and in the end, make a simple video and get more views than me. (Let me repeat, these people have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA who Dan and Phil are and GET MORE VIEWS for making basic to near-advanced content while I get at least 100 - 500 views when I make Phan videos).

I know I have no right to complain or anything since people will nag, saying 'make better content' or 'you suck' or 'you have a really small following' and other bullshit. But that's the thing, I tried EVERYTHING I could do and I also have other plans as well to post online but I feel like it's kinda unfair that there are people who COMPLETELY have no idea who these people are and get more views than me.

Is this fair? No! But can we do anything about it? Not really.

And that's the thing, I think people doing something like this is really unfair but there is literally nothing I can do about it since I'm just a small person. I don't think even my online friends can help me fight this battle since it's either they don't care or it's nothing to be worked up about. I know this shouldn't bother me but my recommendations feed lately besides Undertale, Drama Alerts and British Vloggers video recommendations, I will stumble across a video where people who are SOO OLD, reacting to PINOF or Phan Fiction just to get views!

I dare you to find these channels and question them about the advanced knowledge in the phandom like 2012 or V-day or anything else. Or better yet, ask if they went to TATINOF or MET THEM IN PERSON (Get Photo/video proof) or check their social media accounts if they post/reblog/retweet D&P content.

Same goes for other YouTubers that these people 'pretend' to know. Ask them the advanced knowledge about them, if they met them, if they bought a decent amount of merch. If they can't answer that, then they're just using them for views.

Anywho, this is just a rant that I've been having a hard time expressing through video and decided to type it all down in a blog post.

But do you have anything else to add in the conversation? Let me know!
My name is Cutiejea and this has been my Life Out of the Camera.

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Social Media – The Impacts it creates for Young Girls (ft. AmazingDogpie)

Sup guys, Cutiejea here.

Ok, so recently, I had a university assessment task where I had to write an essay about anything based what I've recently learned in university. So what I did what I chose the topic how social media has an impact on young girls. For this project, besides using academic articles, I used a lot (and i mean a lot) of YouTube videos, We the Unicorns articles and I interviewed 2 of my online friends who are Sophie (AmazingDogpie) and Ataska Mercado (The Voice Kids Philippines Contestant).

I got 12/20 for the essay btw! (don't ask).

So I kinda promised to share what I've written but due to privacy and stuff, I'm only allowed to share my interview with Sophie. So underneath is the near edited version of my essay of how social media impacts the mental health of younger girls.


Social Media – The Impacts it creates for Young Girls

Social Media has changed how we communicate, perceive and share ourselves to others online as it has given us the opportunity to connect with different people around the world. Big named people like celebrities uses social media like Twitter to communicate to their followers and through this, it has also given anyone the opportunity to become famous. However, the use of social media for young girls opened up topics such as body image, mental health, and identity as this has evolved on how women were portrayed in the past in traditional media to the digital age where anyone with an Internet connection could be affected and the unclear difference between the online and real life identity.

For the sake of this topic, I also interviewed Sophie Milton (aka: Amazingdogpie), a songwriter with 2 thousand subscribers on YouTube via Twitter to give her viewpoints on the subject.

Throughout history, women were portrayed in media as ‘the perfect housewife’ and how they should be ‘serving their husbands’ and so on. This was accepted as it was the social structure until the 1990’s when women began to fight for their rights. Now in the 21st century, especially in this decade, social media has played a role in our society and a role on the degradation and portrayal of girls and women as the affected age has dropped from married and single women in their 30’s back in the last century to girls as young as 13 or lower. From ads to music videos and celebrities shown offline and online, girls and young women are mostly affected.

Sample ads in the past from

In ‘My Great Big Adventure’ (2015), kids and teenagers were discussing why they use social media. A group of girls said that they enjoy using social media as they know there are people out there viewing their content and have the ability to showcase their lives and brag about it to them while a group of teens talked about how they use social media just to communicate with their distant relatives. Social media has changed on how we communicate with others all over the world and this gave the idea of the world going smaller.

When YouTube star Zoe Sugg posted a selfie with her in pajamas while her underwear is exposed on Snapchat, The Sun (2016) stated that Zoe’s exposing herself to her audience as young as 10 and deemed ‘inappropriate’. This created the #WeStandWithZoe campaign on Twitter (2016) as Zoe commented that it was a disgrace that The Sun reported about her rather than other important things as her post was meant to be innocent. This opened up a discussion of online identity as Zoe just wanted to post something innocent but she’s now categorised as a ‘celebrity’ due to the way she perceived in the online world due to the amount of attention she receives. Sophie said to me that she doesn't see herself as a celebrity but her fans love to praise her in that way and also mentions that she gets targeted for her talent due to the accusation of copying another songwriter. This shows that once you reach a certain level of attention, you start to feel pressure between your real and online identity.

Zoe's selfie (source)

Essena O’Neill is a model with over 250+ subscribers on YouTube and over 700k+ followers in Instagram. In her online video (2015) she explains about how she hated her ‘online persona’ and talks about how her online life is ‘fake’ and she got all caught up on it. Her story has opened up topics on identity, body image and sexism as she mentions when she was 12, she would look up models and how to become one and she would compare herself to them. She didn’t care if it was artificial, she just wanted to be valued and be like them and thought it’s through a large following in social media that she will feel ‘accepted’. All the things she has mentioned equates to exposing herself as ‘the perfect image’ and how people will only follow you if you become the person they want you to become rather than yourself.

 (The re-upload of the video)

But even just owning an account can girls still receive hate. Research (Bonanno & Hymel, 2013) shows that 57% affected from cyber bullying were females in the average age of 14.2 years. According to Blackery (2013) she thinks that girls get more criticized than boys online and the worse part is the anonymity factor where people can hide behind the screen and say whatever they want and it’s somewhat true as according to the Daily Mail (2015) girls aged 11 – 13 now feel more under pressure and are more likely to worry.

Fletcher (2013) thinks that the hate comments that females get on the Internet is based on appearance and targeting their self-esteem hence why it’s hard for girls and young women to brush it off. Sophie stated that in real life, she couldn’t talk about her online problems to her peers as she thinks that she will be judged. Stephen & Wilcox (2013) stated that our self-esteem can be enhanced through the use of social media and it can also determine our behavior. This shows that the feedback that young girls can receive can affect their mental health and how it could be pressured and feel less about themselves just through their interactions online and how they want the world to see them.

A resolution for this is that young girls need to be presented with someone who can motivate them to be themselves rather than to be an image of what they want to be as well as the awareness of the existence of online support networks as according to Mehta & Atreja (2015) users communicate with other people who may have experience the same issues and at the same time, being anonymous about it.

Therefore, young girls needs to presented with relatable role models and be supported with people they trust offline and online in order to prevent the stigma affecting their mental health.


So this was my essay (or at least the edited version due to privacy reasons) but this just shows that it is possible to use YouTube for your homework ON A UNIVERSITY LEVEL and somewhat get away with it.

But why did I tackle this topic?

The reason is because it gives a bigger scope on how girls are portrayed online and how it impacts us in some way. You may not see it but there are times when people give the wrong impression on how girls show themselves in media and online as they take their persona in a literal sense rather than something else.

I know because it has happened to me!

Prior to when I was forced to delete my channel, I was told that the way I presented myself as this punk, badass, opinionated person isn't what they want me to be and that I should maintain a certain image of 'innocent', 'sweet' and 'cute'. It was annoying and it hurts as they didn't want me to express myself in a different image which made me feel like myself and  more on the image they wanted me to be got me bullied! 

Girls are given the pressure to maintain innocent and be a role model to perfection where in reality, it's not like that. We don't want to be this 'figure' of perfect.

But what are your thoughts on my little essay that I wrote for my uni assignment? I hope you like it. But I guess by this point, I will have a comment war where people will start questioning everything.

My name is Cutiejea and this is my Life out of the Camera.

Ps: Here is the reference list


  • Sales, Nancy Jo (2016) Social Media and Secret Lives of American Girls, Time Vol. 187(6/7) pg 26 – 26, Retrieved From:

  • Smyth, Sara (2015, April 20) Toll of social media on girls' mental health: Sexualised images fuelling rise in anxiety among pupils aged 11 to 13, Daily Mail, Retrieved From:

  • Stephen, Andrew & Wilcox, Keith (2013, June 1) Are Close Friends the Enemy? Online Social Networks, Self-Esteem, and Self-Control, Journal of Consumer Research, DOI:

  • Mehta, Neil ; Atreja, Ashish (2015) Online Social Support Networks, International Review of Psychiatry, 2015, Vol.27(2), p.118-123, DOI: 10.3109/09540261.2015.1015504

  • Bonanno, R. A., & Hymel, S. (2013). Cyber bullying and internalizing difficulties: Above and beyond the impact of traditional forms of bullying. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 42(5), 685-97. doi:

  • NineBrassMonkeys (2012, Dec 15) How to Get Views | BECOMING YOUTUBE | Video 2 (YouTube Video), Retrieved From:

  • NineBrassMonkeys (2013, Feb 25) Girls On YouTube | BECOMING YOUTUBE | Video 7 (YouTube Video), Retrieved From:

  • The Fine Brothers Entertainment (2014, Sept 21) Teens react to Nicki Minaj – Anaconda (YouTube Video), Retrieved From:

  • YouTube Spotlight (2016, March 8) #OwnYourVoice: Standing Up for Gender Equality (YouTube Video), Retrieved From:

  • iKaryn (2015, Nov 03) Essana O’Neil – Why I REALLY am quitting social media - (Original Video), Retrieved From:

  • Alanah Pearce (2013) Why You Shouldn't Want a Gamer Girlfriend (YouTube video), No longer available online

  • Pew Research Center (2015, April 9) Teens, Social Media & Technology Overview 2015, Retrieved From:

  • The Australian Broadcasting Company (2015, Feb 16) Social Media [TV Show], My Great Big Adventure | Series 2, Episode 5, Australia, Retrieved From:

  • The Australian Broadcasting Company (2012) Body Image [TV Show], My Great Big Adventure | Series 1, Episode 7, Australia, Retrieved From:

  • The Australian Broadcasting Company (2015, Mar 10) Self Esteem [TV Show], My Great Big Adventure | Series 2, Episode 8, Australia, Retrieved From:

  • The British Broadcasting Company (2016), The Rise of The Superstar Vloggers [TV Documentary], One Click Away, United Kingdom, Retrieved From:

  • YouTube Red (2016), A Trip to Unicorn Island [Video Documentary], Worldwide

  • Zoella’s YouTube channel, Retrieved From:

  • Zoella (2014, Sept 1) Channel Trailer | Zoella (YouTube video), Retrieved From:

  • Zoella (2016, March 23) Comment on The Sun’s Article of her selfie [Twitter Post], Retrieved From:

  • Hudson, Charleyy (2016, March 23) Zoella Fights Back Against The Press Trying to SLUT - SHAME Her, Retrieved From:

  • Hudson, Charleyy (2016, March 24) Team Internet Made #WeStandWithZoe The Top Twitter Trend, Retrieved From:

  • The Sun (2016) YouTube star Zoella ditches wholesome image with bedtime Snapchat... of her in her knickers, Retrieved From:

  • Townsend, Benedict (2015, Nov 3) This YouTuber Just Quit Social Media And You NEED To Hear Her Explanation Why, Retrieved From:

  • (2015), 'Social Media Is Not Real Life': Teen Instagram Star Explains Why She's Quitting Social Media, Retrieved From:

  • McCluskey, Megan (2016, Jan 1) Instagram Star Essena O’Neill Breaks her Silence on Quitting Social Media, Retrieved From:

  • Degrading Women in the Media (2011), Retrieved From:

  • Fawcett (n.d.) Women in Media, Retrieved From:

  • Women in Advertisements and Body Image [n.d], Retrieved From:

  • Tom (2014) 23 Vintage Ads that Would be Banned Today, Retrieved From:

  • Bullying Statistics (n.d) Cyber bullying Statistics, Retrieved From:

  • The Guardian (2014) The Seven Digital Deadly Sins, Retrieved From:

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

My Anonymous Phase

Note, everything here is based on opinion and expression. If you take me down, then you are proving the point of this post.

So... you know how when something bad happens to you, you go through an 'anger' stage where you will do/think something that will count as 'revenge' or 'fighting back' from the source of said anger? For me, this may sound weird but there was a time where I was considering joining Anonymous... or just support them in any way possible.

If you don't know, anonymous is this hacking group where they try to bring justice and equality to society, stopping the '1% who play God without permission' (Mr Robot, 2015). They are not a government party but an idea according to them. Basically, they want to restore balance to society as everything is filled with conflict and inequality like poverty and the unfair law system (according to them).

And you may be asking, why the [bleep] do I want to join anonymous? Why does someone like me want to be involved in this 'idea'? And how the heck did I ever heard of this group of people wearing 'V for Vendetta' Masks? 

The reasons begins when I was forced to delete my channel.

That one reason brought me not only to my 'depression / my life is over' phase but I was awakened by the injustice the people who were involved to take me down just because I had a voice. I was expressing myself through my rants and vlogs about my life and the fact that I was forced to delete my most popular videos then my channel and it got me really upset. One of the videos I was forced to put down was a video about 'Why I hated my preliminary exams' as SiTC 2014 was happening, TRXYE by Troye Sivan and 'Better Late than Never' by Stuck in Your Radio has been released ON THE SAME DAY and Season 8 of Doctor Who just premiered on TV! That's basically it, besides the fact I ranted about how hard my subjects are. Another video I was forced to take down was me singing 'Narda' by Kamikazee during an event 'on location' and lastly, I was forced to take down a video about how you give revenge to your ex by showing you are better off without him during the healing process. Yes... I was forced to take down this HARMLESS video for the vulnerable people on Valentines day, motivating them to not be miserable.

By this point, you should have a clue on who forced me to take down my channel. These people told me that doing this 'can ruin my reputation' or 'make me not have a job' and I have to 'suck up and accept the whole thing'. I want to point out that there are famous youtubers doing the same thing and they have like millions of subscribers. 

These people took my character the wrong way and forced me to take down my videos. My rants are similar to Danisnotonfire mashed up with I Hate Everything but they took everything literally and got really offensive. I told this to my peer group and there was a divide on who is right and wrong.

This memory still haunts me whenever I view my 'about' page in my YouTube channel as I'm no longer a legacy user.

I first went emo. I've been listening to Muse, My Chemical Romance, Panic! At the Disco and Fall Out Boy constantly. I was very upset at school that if someone mentions what happened, I would end up 'blowing up', telling them to shut up as I can tell they have a part on taking me down (or just blantly accuse them)

But then I heard about Anonymous and how their goal is to restore order for the voice with no voice, with no power... and I am one of those people with no power during my fragile moments. I was treated unequally for injustice reasons. I was forced to remain silent till I graduate and finish HSC and for that... I can't say what I want to feel because 'I will be hunted down and thrown my ass in jail!' (Pyscho, Muse, 2014).

I know Anonymous is more on stopping the government but their main goal is stopping oppression to the 99% with no voice... and I want part of that. I wanted to fight back with the torment I was given during my darkest hour.

To me... Anonymous was my hope as I was already tired with the rules that I was forced to follow. (Yeah... I have a dark side).

But I know I have no chance in being in this group because I have no idea how to hack, heck, I don't even know how to code in my Tumblr page for pete sakes. 

So as usual, that idea is to me 'something that I would consider in an alternate timeline'. But recently, I just watched this TV show called 'Mr Robot' due to a university assignment and watching that brought back memories of me wanting to support the group.

Maybe this poster will help explain why:

Mr Robot is about this guy named Eliot who is a hacker who was chosen by this hacker group called F Society (this is the actual name, I'm not censoring anything here). The goal, take down E Corp (or Evil Corp) through hacking their systems and destroying their backups so that they can take down the 1% who play God without permission.

When I first saw this, my first impression was 'Ooh, the guy is bug eyed'... I'm not joking, here is the ACTUAL Facebook convo I had when discussing about this:

I watched the entire season 1 in 3 days (#suchprocrastination) but knowing their motives and the story and everything else, it brought me back to that phase of defying the people in control cuz... f*** society. And Mr Robot wasn't the first who made me express my anger of society, Muse's album 'Drones' was like a drug for me. I've been listening to all of their songs in that album (along with a few others) as the songs are about defying order. The 2015 film Straight Out of Compton also triggered this as its about how their 'art' is being threatened by the authorities. I even got in to My Chemical Romance due to the same reasons. The songs that I constantly listen from them are Destroya, I'm Not Ok, Welcome to the Black Parade, Teenagers and Kids From Yesterday.

Can you see the connections here? All are about defying order, being yourself no matter how many push and take you down, breaking the rules due to it's injustice.

What I'm saying is that, I'm not part of Anonymous, I don't think I'm worthy to be part of them but their motives on breaking social order and rebuilding it for the little people is something I support. I'm tired of being shut down for having a voice and an opinion. Just because I said one thing doesn't mean I'm that, this is just me expressing how I cope from being annoyed with the bullshit treatment I was given.

So  I will repeat this, everything here is based on opinion and expression. If you take me down, then you are proving the point of this post.

Am I the only one who felt like this? Were there times when you questioned the system and authority? Oh well.

So my name is Cutiejea and this has been my Life out of the Camera!

Friday, 1 April 2016


Sup Guys, Cutiejea here!

Hey... today marks the 1 year I started this blog! (Yes... a full year!) And I can't believe it has been that long as I didn't know that I would be still doing this till this very day! Sure, the production ended up becoming '1 post per month' but hey, it's better than nothing right?

So... after 1 year of blogging, how did it change my life?

Well, besides the fact that this blog helped me express myself through words, it was this blog that help me get into the uni that I'm in (I'm really serious here). Reason being is because the Communications Degree is more than just playing with a camera, it's also being able to tell a story or write stuff. TBH, it was really useful in one of my assessment task in one of my uni class. Another reason is because I was in a portfolio day where I have to give my creative works for the same university and the only thing they were mostly interested was my blog. Like screw the photographs, songs, creative writing and all that, all we want is the blog! (Out of all the questions they asked me, the question regarding the use of blogs was the hardest)

So why did I started my blog in the first place last year? Well... to be completely honest, I was sent home after some 'issues' that occurred the day before. It wasn't my fault btw but my school thought it was safer if I was sent home (so yay... catch up homework and leaving your stuff in your locker without even knowing). I just got bored when I was home so I thought, why not blog! I was inspired by George Sheppard's blog on wordpress.

Either way, whether you follow me, read my entries or whatevs, thanks for reading my entries and being part of my story. It really means a lot. This blog is a lifestyle blog with a bit of random stuff but this is the closest thing to originality that people actually enjoy. Kinda odd thou that I started it on April Fools day but who gives a crap!

So I can't wait to write more entries for you and hope to see you soon and thank you for being with me for an entire year!

So my name is Cutiejea and this has been my Life out of the Camera!

PS: Feel free to follow me in my other social media accounts:

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

Becoming Trash for Undertale

Before I start, I want to give out a spoiler warning as Undertale is a game best played blind (meaning you need to have NO INFO about the game mechanics/story/etc) so if you haven't played it or the YouTuber you're watching hasn't finished playing it *coughs* Dan and Phil *coughs* DON'T READ THIS POST (unless u don't give a damn)

Sup guys, Cutiejea here!

So recently (well, late February) I got into Undertale and I swear to God that game is making me rethink about how I play games. I'm serious, right now... I'm too scared to do the genocide route as I heard once it's done, I live with those sins forever.

I'm not saying that 'Undertale beats any other game out there' or 'Undertale beats any other fandom out there'. All I'm saying is that I've become addicted about the effect that game has caused me and it's a good thing as it changed my perspective on video game tropes and conventions.

But this game... I've became trash under 4 days (4 DAYS!!!).

Here is the previous list that I used be trashed for:
  1. Phandom
  2. Muse
  3. Shamy
  4. Nowhere Boys
  5. Sheppard
Here is the list now:
  1. Phandom
  2. Muse
  3. Undertale
  4. Shamy
  5. Nowhere Boys
It first started when I watched Dan and Phil played it in YouTube then I bought the game because it seemed fun! So I got the game and watched a few YouTube videos so I can get a basic introduction on what Undertale is about. Also, I watched Game Theory's episode about Sans and that got me hooked. Then after 2 hours of playing, I got the soundtrack because the music is very good. My fave songs are Home, Heartache, Another Medium, Undertale, Hopes and Dreams and Megalovania. Then there were the post in Tumblr and 4 hours in the game, I've became trash.

This brought me to the point where I wanted where I wanted to write a Charisk (Chara x Frisk) fan fic on wattpad!

First chapter is out and more soon to come (Wattpad link)

But Undertale, I have to say, it's now one of my most fave games so far... even better than Pokemon (and I swear, I'm a total nerd for the GAMES [not the tv series]) and defeated my love for Skyrim (A game I played for 70 hours back in 2014/15!). Undertale will make you laugh, cry and think about your actions when controlling Frisk that right now, I'm now having second thoughts on doing the genocide route.

But what caused me to become Trash for Undertale is the idea of multiple interpretations of what could have happened in the game, what could have happened next and so on. Also, you can create original characters that can also have an effect to the new plot line or you can put in more character development between the main cast that it creates new depth into the story. One of my fave tumblr blogs doing this is Ask Frisk and Company where its a fan fiction mixed with audience participation, meaning, our questions and ask to the blog can have an effect on the plot line. (link to the chronological order of the story [part till we're introduced to Lucinda])

If you want a quick summary of the story, click here.

Another is the shipping. Anything can be shipped in the game. We have the usual ships, Chara and Frisk (Charisk), Sans and Toriel (Soriel), Alphys and Undyne (???). But we also have the odd ships which I accept like Monster Kid and Frisk, Mettaton and Papyrus, Papyrus and Undyne. Basically, if you can prove that your ship can be legit, then congratulations, it's accepted.

And the best part is the original music/mash-ups/parodies/covers the community has created. I have a few faves but they're really good (especially the ones who uses Megalovania as the main beat for their songs)

The reason why I've became trash for Undertale in a short amount of time is something I'm still trying to figure out. I guess it's because the game is open to interpretation that the creative side of me wants to know more and wants to jump in into the action. I can just say 'Undertale is just a game and I enjoyed it' but the game broke gaming conventions where music is built to match the scene and the idea of saving and restarting can also affect the gameplay dialogue. It's breaking the rules on how video games work, reinventing the format on how it's play and changing how we experience playing video games. Normally, we play games like 'you need to do this' or 'you need to kill this dude' and it's mostly a linear timeline. Undertale is also a linear timeline but it's more on a hierarchy timeline as each action can alter anything that can happen. This is what got me interested into the game, that one small step can change anything. The story can reach many ending and you are given the ability to expand on those endings and create new stories based on your experiences.

Undertale is not just a video game, it's a game where you have room to expand the Undertale Universe as the characters you meet and encounter will leave a significant bond as you play the main game. To me, Undertale is Minecraft meets Skyrim, a game where your actions creates an impact on your character but you can build on the story further (hence why I'm writing a fan fic of the game in Wattpad).

Toby Fox, if you are reading this (which I highly doubt you are), thank you for creating a game where our actions in the game creates an impact in the game and also creating a story where we can expand on. This game has to be the best game in 2016 (unless Pokemon Sun and Moon gives a better impression).

So if you haven't played the game, I suggest you should as it's a fun game to play and it may be a bit challenging but the story in it will inspire you to create an extended plot line on what happens next. And the soundtrack is really good so I also suggest listening to that as well!

My name is Cutiejea and this has been Life out of the Camera

(PS: I made a Undertale fan animation using plotagon and it's arriving this Friday so here is the link)

Monday, 8 February 2016

Growing Up

Sup guys, Cutiejea here!

So, if you subscribed to my channel or any of my social medias, you may have heard that I'm now officially 18 years old! This basically means I'm an adult in my family and in the Philippines but in Australia, the official adult age is 21 (18 is the legal age but everyone is more inclined to 21 years old being the official adult age).

Here is the video talking about what I've learned in 18 years of existence (Uploaded on my birthday):

So it's been a few days since my time as an adult and I have to say... it kinda boring (but how should I know, it's still my holidays!)

Today's blog thou is about growing up and how there are some parts of your life you tend to keep, move on and decide if it should be part of you or not.

Ever since I reached this point in life, I've been doing a bit of spring cleaning within myself and started doing stuff that I never knew I was capable on doing (I don't <bleeping> care if it's summer). For starters, I've decided to be a total 'girl' and start to buy my own clothes for university, my commitments on learning the ukulele is still growing strong and there are other parts of my life that I've first considered odd for me to do but I did wind up enjoying it (An example is me swimming in the beach where most of the time, I would never enjoy it! Now, as long it's in Bondi, I will consider swimming with a bodyboard).

But there are also parts of me that I feel like letting go. An example this this old website I made. Sure, I may keep it running but I have thoughts of deleting the site and updating around 20 videos, removing the link in the description. Another is my love for gaming. It's not my fault, my laptop can no longer run the games made these days since it's 32 bit!

But even if I feel 'grown up', there will be times where I will act like a kid and it will piss off others since they expect me to be more mature and how can I since my 2 of my role models are like 28 - 29 years old and they act like kids!

I hate that the idea of growing up is for you to be 'very mature' and 'not make any mistakes' or 'be conformed to society' and all that jazz and it annoys me since I still want to goof off! I still want to make silly mistakes that people consider to be 'You cant do that since you're 18!'. Does it look like I give a flying <bleep>?!

I know there will be a time where I will have to let go of being a kid and just grow up but if you do lose your childhood, you will lose the part of you that makes you happy, that tiny part of you that clings you to what made you... well YOU! And this is where doing what you love comes in as if you still have that tiny 1% of your childhood in your life, then you know that you're not becoming a brainless sheep. Yes, there will be times where you will have to let go of things or decide if it should still be part of your life but in the end, whatever you decide will be the cause on how you feel about life in the future.

I end this blog post with a quote from Dan Howell from The Amazing Book is not on Fire 'I guess I just want to say, this thing we've created - is ephemeral*' (Ephemeral = Momentary).

So you guys have the choice if you want to grow up, remain a kid forever or do both! For me, it's both but I also have to mature in order to survive but I still need to retain that part of me that kept me going which is my innocence.

So my name is Cutiejea and this has been my Life Out of the Camera.

Wednesday, 13 January 2016

New Years Resolution

Sup guys, Cutiejea here!

Happy NEW YEAR!!! It's finally 2016... the year where.... I go to university... yay?

But anywho, how is the first few weeks of 2016 treating you? Got any new gear? Any ambitions/goals or are you just starting school (just saying, years kindy to 10 is fine, just rock up and do average but year 11, a shitstorm of stress will be impacted on day one and will not stop till year 12).

But anywho, I want to talk about New Years Resolutions and what they mean to me.

For most people, NYR are tiny goals they want to achieve in under a year like 'Try new things' or 'dump boyfriend' or 'tell parents how you really feel'. For some, it's doing something... somewhat impossible or really extreme that they want to try out for one day like 'Get drunk for first time' or 'skydiving' or 'become a rock band'. And for some, it's tiny improvements in their life like 'Get better grades' or 'Not get a grade of C' (btw, that was my 2015 NYR for year 12... Totally failed that one but I did get Band 4 in Advance English). And just saying, I'm not judging you or anything, I think New Years Resolutions are good, it gives us something to do in between the days of work and school.

And most of the time, they end up being unachieved or piles up into more complex stuff

Example: It will start off 'Get drunk for the first time' and soon end up 'Give up alcohol' a year later

But for me, I treat my New Years Resolution as a Bucket List.

That's right! My goals for the year, I want to treat them like 'How I want to live/improve my life for the long run' so doing stuff like 'Skydiving' or 'Getting Drunk', both may not be good thing to add on my list (however, there is this wine I tasted back in NYE in 2014 that I want to get my hands on again).

So in the spirit of this post and the new year, I would love to share you some of my New Years Resolutions and explain how it will help improve my life for the long run.

1. Improve YouTube channel content

My channel has reached 200+ subscribers and 10k views by Christmas and I want to let those numbers grow. I'm not saying I want to have 100k subs by 2017 but I just want to improve my content so that I can learn how to make better things. I made the ERB Phan Rap Battle video using 2 giant pieces of green cloth I both in Lincraft for $40 (Ebay is cheaper, I know, my folks just have trust issues on online delivery).

This is where my university studies come in as my course is Bachelor of Communications, majoring in 'Media Arts Production' in where I will be learning how to used advanced equipment and the teachers will be giving professional editing tips (no... Phil Lester is not my teacher... but I wish he was!)

2. Learn an Instrument

In 2015, I befriended Sophie (AKA: AmazingDogpie) via Twitter as on the day I followed her, she followed me back so DM was possible between the both of us. From there, after my HSC ended and TATINOF was being held in London (and I heard she was going), we began to talk to each other throughout the entire November.

One of our conversation topics was 'What instrument can you play' and the fact that Sophie can play more than just the Ukulele made me feel overwhelmed as all I can do is sing. Not only that, I also started Phandom Aus/NZ on twitter and 3 of my friends who help run the account plays an instrument and it just made me feel worse!

I want to learn an instrument but there were just 2 problems:

  1. I'm a lefty (like Dan!), meaning not many instruments will accomodate for my needs (and if they do... it will cost more)
  2. Lessons are expensive in Australia (and there is no way in hell my dad will pay for them, not to mention, take me there!)

My first plan was have vocal lessons again but my folks won't go for it. Plan 2 was learn how to play guitar (my brother used to have lessons till he gave up after 1 year) but it's too much work and I think I may need an actual instructor rather than my iPad to teach me (I do know how to play the basic chords thou so that's a start!)

So plan 3: why not something smaller! I'm now having thoughts on buying my ukulele.... What? Sophie said in her Q&A that it's not that hard and she learned how to play in under a year so it's probably not that bad! Plus it cost $36 in stores!

3. Learn how to Drive

Whenever I go to Facebook, I get intimidated when I discovered 5 of my friends have their 'P's' before 2015 ended and it made me feel bad as I need to learn how to drive... Fast... in a legal pace!

I checked my learner's license and it said that I have 3 years till it expires and 3 years is how long my Uni course runs. I need to get my 'P's' before I graduate or else I have to take the test again! I can't go through that again so whenever I can, I have to buckle up and drive!


So those 3 are some of my New Year's Resolutions for the year and hopefully, I can pull them off. I can share you more but they're more personal so I don't think it's a good idea to share them. But as you can see, these resolutions are stuff that may improve my life and can actually be put into use in IRL and online situations.

So what we can all learn from this is that, treat your resolutions as a bucket list and pick things that may actually be useful in the future. You can call me lame but picking stuff like this but I want to think of the benefits it can provide for me.

So my name is Cutiejea and this has been life out of the camera!