Wednesday, 16 December 2015

The ATAR and my past and future

So... I'm back and this time, for a blog about the ATAR (aka: the rank needed just to have a guaranteed entry to university) and how the missing experiences from my past is somehow reflected to my rank. For this blog, I will not say the names of the universities as I may end up in trouble.

So at 9 am (or for my case... 8:57 am), I got my rank and before all of this, people tell me 'Go get that good ATAR' or 'a High ATAR = Better future'. I'm not joking, when you reach like late year 7 - early year 8, everyone will brainwash you saying getting that high rank equals happy life and from there, that kinda got stuck in my mind.

Yesterday, I got my marks and I went to 5 ATAR calculators to predict my rank. All said 63.70. Today, I got 62.90.

So when I got my rank... I'm not saying it's a bad rank but it's decent enough to get me into ONE university. I'm not joking... out of god knows how many universities are there, I can only get into one... well, I can do private college but... best not to comment about that.

My grades thou were decent... I mean, Band 4's and 1 Band 5... that's amazing but if your subjects are low scaling and had unsupportive people who tell you 'YouTube is where rapist/strangers can find you' back in 2008 before you even made an account and had literally have no idea what you wanted to be till the end of year 11, that's when you know you kinda fucked up your life.

I didn't know I wanted to work in media, my ENTIRE family were pushing me to the teaching degree and whenever I ask stuff like 'How do you make a website' cuz someone in your family made their own successful website, they ended up avoiding it. And again, I was given an intervention about me being banned from going into YouTube because I watch 'Who killed Captain Rockhopper' and a bunch of Club Penguin fan fic videos that they think that working in media/doing something creative means rape or something bad, you know that there is something missing in your life... like you haven't found who you truly are in the required age. Due to this, I did subjects irrelevant to the course I actually wanted.

If I can go back in time, these are the subjects I would have done:

  • Advanced English
  • Music 1
  • Design and Technology
  • SOR 1U (I was from a catholic school so this is mandatory)
  • VET Entertainment
  • Visual Art
At least with these subjects, I could have received MORE bonus points than the subjects I have now.

And to everyone just going to say to me 'But what's done is done' and all that bullshit, I just want to say shut up for one second as there are many things I wanted to do in the past that I was forbidden or unselected to experience. I could have created a YouTube channel in 2008 or made my own website blog in the age of 7 but I was sheltered because my family thinks some rapist will find me or I will end up dead.

Sometimes, I wonder if everyone was just goddam supportive about this... like they would just tell me how they made these things and so on instead of pulling me away from this because I bet, when I enter university, everyone has high quality DSLR with long experience while I'm just the girl who records stuff with an iPad!

So overall, what I want to say to the people who are about to embark on the same journey, my tip of advice for you is to fully figure out what you want to do or who you want to be before year 11 starts. If you wanted to make a youtube channel at the age of 6... GO FOR IT since Troye Sivan did it and he's now a famous pop star! Want to be an adventurer, do it!

I know I can't blame my past for all of this but I would have been nice if I had some support in a young age rather than people worrying that I'll get rape just because I go to a website where I can watch videos.

Overall... just do what you love doing, if people are pushing you away, then just push forward as if someone told me this in the past, then maybe my future would have been very different.

This is Cutiejea and this is life out of the camera.